Your life is the product of the actions you choose to take. People treat you differently based on the way they feel you will react, so it’s important to consider the implications before reacting. Self-awareness enables you to change the course of action you take, which can result in a more positive outcome. Sometimes people overlook their own responsibility for their actions. Often this is out of fear of what their actions say about themselves. It can be challenging to acknowledge your own flaws. Try to see your behaviour as a conditioned response and not as a part of your identity.
The obstacle for most people is that they don’t want to face their own bad behaviour. They don’t want to believe that the way they act is a part of them, because their behaviour clashes with their self-perception. Everyone wants to believe that they are a good person. Generally, people do not see themselves as hurtful, cruel or dishonest. In truth, it’s still you reacting, even when it’s not the way you would want to react if you were in a rational state of mind. You are still responsible for your actions, even as your feelings flow through you. You are the way the world sees you, and all the goals you have, all of your good intentions don’t amount to much if you’re acting like a jackass. Consider the person you want to be. Do you want to be short tempered, spiteful or rude? Do you ever act in a way that is short tempered, spiteful or rude? How do you think others perceive you? Be true to yourself. Start to act like the person you want to be and you will become that person.
You don’t need to be apologetic. Luckily, like everything else in this world, your behaviour is influenced by constant change. Simply change your habits.
You can’t control the feelings that rise up inside you, but you can choose how to act on those feelings. Feeling spiteful, jealous or angry doesn’t make you a bad person. It’s your reaction to these feelings that determines how the world will react to you. When you feel negative emotions bubbling to the surface, identify them. For example, tell yourself “This is anger I’m feeling.” You need to understand what’s going on inside you to be able to control it. Once you know what you are feeling, think about why. (“I’m feeling angry because my feelings are hurt.”) Once you know what you’re feeling and why, only then should you act on your emotions. Make the action you take positive rather than negative. If you’re angry, explain why to the person who upset you. If you’re jealous, remind the person you’re jealous of how lucky they are. Seize the opportunity that arises during negative mental states to change your conditioning. Instead of yelling, communicate. Turn jealousy into appreciation. When you change the way you react, you change yourself and how the world sees you. You become a better person.
It’s important to differentiate the kind of person you want to be from the person you are. Doing so will allow you to acknowledge that you are not that person yet. To become that person, you must first realize that a change is required. Reality is the sum of all perception. To live in harmony with all perception is to live in truth. Although there is no absolute truth, if you make an effort to see situations from all sides, you are more able to respond to situations in a way that benefits everyone.
After a while, your initial response to your emotions will change. Once you become conscious of the way you act, you become able to change your conditioning. Exercise discipline over your reactions, and soon your reactions will follow the pattern you have established. You will be become conditioned to act rationally rather than irrationally, to open productive dialogue rather than take destructive action.
For more on mindfulness, check out the essential writings of Thich Nhat Hanh. As a Buddhist monk, he is very encouraging of living mindfully. I have found his writings to be very inspirational.
In the book, he explains that when he feels himself getting angry, he recites this poem he composed to himself:
Feeling angry in the historical dimension,
I close my eyes and look deeply.
Three hundred years from now,
Where will you be? Where will I be?
So if you feel yourself getting angry, ask yourself; will it matter in three hundred years?
Is it really worth making any moment in this short life unpleasant?
I find it puts a lot of issues into perspective.
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